a few thoughts

[Just thought I’d swing by here before tucking in for the night..dropping off some of my thoughts. Been having so many thoughts through my head & heart lately…and sorting through them can prove to be quite difficult at times.]

Time has been slipping by so rapidly lately. Can you believe it’s already November?! (Well, tomorrow it will be!) It seems so impossible, but there’s nothing that can be done about it. So much has been happening around me, and sometimes it feels like I am standing still in this constant blur…trying and wanting to reach out into the motion; but so mesmerized, and knowing if I try to feel, it may all come crashing down on me.

My own personal blur will be slowing down soon. Wright State classes end for their huge winter break on November 19, so I have two more weeks at Trotwood High School, then finals week, and then I’m finished. Goodness, this quarter has been so short!! I will honestly miss my students and my CT at Trotwood, as well as the other department teachers. It has been such a great experience! (And no, I’m not just saying that because my own CT could possibly read this ;]). My time there has been amazing, and I’ve learned things about a classroom, and about myself. I need to speak up more, some people don’t believe I have the ability to ‘get loud and mean’ and running a classroom will force me to focus my scattered thoughts. Becoming a teacher sometimes scares the daylights outta me. Honestly, it does. Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder if this is where I belong…Is this REALLY what God intends for me? Then the next day I’m in the classroom, it all makes sense (usually…ha) and I know, I mean KNOW, this is where God wants me to be. This is my calling, and I will do everything in my power to serve HIM with the abilities He gave me in the first place. I just have to keep reminding myself that my miniscule talents and minute abilities ARE from Him, and for HIS use only.

This leads me to my next thought…at church tonight Allie, Ms. Rachel and I sang our “Blessed” song. By request of my mother, we sang this song we haven’t touched in such a long time…months. But like usual, every word, every note came back to us as we started singing. Such a great reminder: we ARE indeed blessed beyond our imagination. There weren’t many dry eyes in the auditorium, including my own. So many times we get caught up in our life, in the grind, in the chaos and forget to count our blessings…

When He walks among us, all that He does
All of His mercy, and all of His love,
If the pen of a writer, could write every day,
even this world, just COULDN'T contain
How I have been blessed.

Warmth in the winter, flowers in spring
laughter of summer, the changing of leaves
food on my table, a good place to sleep
clothes on my back and shoes on my feet,
Oh I have been blessed....

I HAVE BEEN BLESSED GOD'S SO GOOD TO ME
PRECIOUS ARE HIS THOUGHTS OF YOU AND ME
NO WAY I COULD COUNT THEM, THERES NOT ENOUGH TIME
SO I'LL JUST THANK HIM FOR BEING SO KIND,
GOD IS SO GOOD, SO GOOD
I HAVE BEEN BLESSED

Arms that will raise, a voice that will talk
hands that can touch, and legs that can walk.
Ears that can listen and eyes that can see,
Oh I've got to praise Him as long as I BREATHE,
for I have been blessed.

A father and mother, who nurtured and raised,
brothers and sisters and the memories made.
Our pastor to lead us, this alter to pray
Stripes that can heal, and a BLOOD THAT CAN SAVE.
Oh i have been blessed.

He's my shoulder to lean on, when I am down,
that rock where He leads me, when I'm overwhelmed.
That place where He leads me, when I am down,
He's not just a song, He's the REASON I sing.
Oh I have been blessed.

We live in a country, the GREATEST ON EARTH
where the flag stands for FREEDOM and what it is worth
she stands in the harbor, Miss Liberty calls
all have gave some, but some gave it all
FOR ME TO BE BLESSED

Like I said earlier, SO many thoughts in my mind..who knows, this may prove to be a writing week. Lyrics and poems have been going through my head constantly. One of these days I’ll get them all out, or mayyyybe find someone who is willing and wanting to listen to it all.

ramblings

I guess this would classify as a rambling post. But then again, I do believe all of mine are ;) It’s such a beautiful day out, and yet I’m inside..not gooood! Everything has been so pretty the past few days..and yet I’ve had so much on my mind. So many things are such a blur anymore, and I just don’t like it. Sometimes I wish life would slow down so I could actually take a deep breath of fresh air. But, life happens and I don’t think I’ll get a breath until next year. I’m letting myself get stressed out, which isn’t good at all. One, stress is just not good (duhh) and two, my body doesn’t handle stress well…headaches, hives, itching, horrible nightmares, yet people wonder why I make myself stay on top of things. If they only knew how it feels when I don’t stay organized and “over achieving”. . .

My student teaching is going very well. I am honestly enjoying it so much. ( I’ve been working on my lesson plan that my partner and I will be teaching soon, a CSI edition..woo!) I’ve grown attached to a lot of these kids, and it makes me long for my own classroom. It excites me SO much to think about my future classes and all the stuff I want to do. Maybe that’s just the young teacher in me, but to be completely honest, I never want to lose that sense of excitement for my class. God is so good to me and giving me the opportunity to teach children, how can I ever lose my joy in it?

I’ve not had time for a lot of photos throughout this journey, but hopefully once November rolls around, I’ll have more time. I’ve already got 9 orders for ABC frames, and two possible Senior shoots coming up, so things are gonna get even more hectic with my photography!! But I enjoy it so much, and I’m so very thankful God gave me a small bit of talent for photography.

Like I said, I’ve had a LOT on my mind lately, and just ask for your prayers. I try not to lose my optimistic view on life (too much of one, according to some), but yet I find myself laying awake at night…(or sitting out under the stars for the past few nights) and thinking about things around me, and Sometimes, it’s hard to hold back those few escaping tears; though I always (attempt to) cover them with a smile. The people I love, and the people around me deserve me at my best all the time, even when it’s hard to keep things inside. ( In case you’re wondering, nothing bad is going on..just a young girl dreaming and thinking about life…)

Annnyyhoooo…enough of my ramblings..gonna go find something else productive to do before heading to the farm for a family dinner. hope all is well with ya’ll!!! happppy gorgeous Saturday!!! :)

waiting

I wanna break every clock..
The hands of time could never move again..
We could stay in this moment..
For the rest of our lives..

I wanna be your last first kiss,
That you'll ever have...
I wanna be your last first love...that you'll ever have
Till your lying here beside me...
I wanna be your last first kiss for all time..
- Inevitable, Anberlin

waiting patiently for you,
waiting, waiting, i hope you're waiting too.

I want to know..who you are..I've been waiting for what seems too long,
I see your shadow, I feel your wind as you pass, I hear your whisper in most every song.

my first love, my first kiss, my everything you'll be,

sometimes it hurts so much, but no one else can see.

but I'm waiting, waiting with a covering smile, patiently for you,

waiting..i hope you're waiting and looking for me too.

lost and found

if anyone knows me, they know that I tend to think outside of the box. Creativity is one of those things that make me, well, ME. through HS, I was the one to make the boring project fun..make it something that could be seen in 3D. for example, HS pysch class: my styrofoam brain lit up. Anatomy & Physiology: A human muscle was broke down into sections using a cottage cheese bucket and straws. 6th grade Social Studies: My dad helped me make a small catapult from wood..(which was Very good at making M&Ms fly across the room hehe ;]). and now, the last few months I've been on a spray paint kind of kick for my college projects.

But since starting college, the whole creative side of me has been put to the side. The studious, paper based, exam taking Andrea has had to come out. And if you know me, I hate paper based things; I have to have visuals to learn.

Earlier this week I got this book at the library..and I LOVE it. Its all about how to bring out the creative side of yourself. (Granted, it kinda sorta almost maybe promotes graffiti..butttttt, its really good. haha.)

Like Guerrilla Warfare, Guerrilla Art is the "boom, in your face, affect the world" kind of art. Now, I don't plan on going out and doing "illegal" things (like I've EVER done anything like that..psh, no!). But I have made it my new mission to have my creativity come out from suppression. (I sound so Revolutionary! but that IS the whole point..) In my future classroom, I don't want to be the plain, boring, worksheets type of teacher. I want my students to be able to open their minds and think outside the box; for the people who think outside the box are the ones who go the farthest in life, and are the most motivated ones.

My challenge to you? Be a guerilla artist in whatever place you work in, play in, live in. Think outside the box for things. Notice the small things in life and tell someone else about them. Leave a note for a random person telling them to smell the flowers more than just occasionally. *Think. Dream. Laugh. Love. Live. GIVE.*

Almost Finished

Well, its time again for college classes to start! Its so crazy to think this is my last year of my undergrad degree!! I am SO stoked. 9 more months and I will have a degree...a 4 year degree...the first one in my family. Granted, I will start into the grad program a month after receiving my degree...but it’s still a degree!! Haha ;)

I can honestly say that I think I will really enjoy this quarter. Everyone around me is incredibly stressed out, but it’s not affecting me a lot. I think starting early at my placement helped me adjust to that aspect of my quarter. Trotwood is going well too. I like my CT (cooperating teacher) and she is very nice and helps me get a feel for what a classroom really is.

My other education classes will be a full load, but I don’t have any doubts that I can handle them. Though I have a full schedule, these classes are what I have been waiting for and anticipating. I am so very excited to be an ‘almost teacher’ and from this week’s classes, I know that this quarter will be ‘fun’. Fun in the sense that we will be able to laugh and enjoy class, but also learn and get our solid foundation built.

Keep me in your prayers as I travel to and from Trotwood, Wright State and home. I will be looking for an on campus job as well. I’ll be taking on 20 credit hours once again, with my schedule as following:

MWF—Trotwood HS all day (7:30am-3/3:30pm)

TR—WSU education classes (8am-12:30pm)

MW – WSU for an evening ASL class (4:10-5:50pm)

over the river and through the woods

fall is finally here!! well, sorta. maybe not technically, but lets just say it is! fall is the official camping time of year, and let me just say how much that excites me :) camping is by far one of my favorite things to do; especially with my family. It's something that I have been doing since I was little, and something that I always want to do with my future family. I am SO looking forward to sitting by the fire, marshmallows (and seeing how big i can get the marshmallow blown up to be) and laughing with the family.

Through the years we've camped in tents and our little pop-up camper, and my grandparents have a big camper trailer. But by far, being in the tent is my favorite. Now that I'm older, I take my own tent and let my parents be in the pop up, that way i can sleep as long as I and have my own area! But it usually gets invaded by my younger cousins by oh, day 2? ;) but I do love them, and especially our Night Walks..to view the "wildlife" (usually consisting of raccoons, skunks and strange people).

I've tent camped in rain, snow, bad storms, and beautiful days; from ohio to wyoming and have learned that an air mattress is the way to go. That way, you don't get wet when you find out that your tent has a leak! ;)

I've got my things packed and ready to go. I'm ready for a weekend away and by the trees somewhere. :) Quilts and blankets for the cold nights, tye-dye fleece ones are especially warm! pillows for comfort, camo ones are especially comfy! and a tote with my clothes and air mattress. (the tote was originally used for a church camp trip a few years ago!) Totes are also water proof and good for setting a clock, flashlight and pocketknife on top of...since you must always be prepared! Extra bag (which doubles for a shower bag for the trek to the shower house) with books, a movie or two, laptop for viewing, papers to grade (im gettin teacher-fied!) and of course, my trusty camera.

have a great weekend everyone!! :)

The Wind

How do you know when to hold on…or let go?
How do you know, when to hide or let these feelings show?
So many times, along a strong slow gentle wind…
So many times, I just don’t know.

Sometimes you have to put the brave face on,
But inside all your courage is completely gone,
Sometimes it feels as if it has stolen everything from you, this wind..
Sometimes it feels like you’ll never see the dawn.

How do you stand by the side, and see your friends in love and sappy?
If I gave you a box of crayons, would you, could you color me happy?
Sometimes it’s so cold, so harsh; this blowing wind…
Will love find me? Oh why can’t it be ..snappy..

Sometimes it feels like the cold, sharp knife,
While others, I swear, you Feel…you Hear…that happy tuned fife.
But it’s always there. This SteadySlowRoughFastCalm.....steady wind…
That breath, this wind… called life.