Day 118

It's 118 days post wreck. Where have the days went? It's also a little sad that I establish things in reference to my wreck.
Am I over it? Not yet.
Do I still have pain? Definitely.
But I am getting there.

This past week, the ladies went on a retreat to gatlinburg. It was such a blast. I haven't laughed that much in almost 2 years. It was amazing. I hurt quite a bit from it all, but it was SOO worth it to go. I was in charge of devotions for the week, and they went spectacularly. Seriously, God used me to present some great stuff and bring our ladies closer. I am so so so glad I went.

Getting back yesterday, I'm getting back into the swing of things. I'm still stressed about life and a job. Very stressed about a job. I really need prayers. I am so stressed and wanting a job so much. I honestly feel worthless being unemployed, and unable to do much. Top that off with being the most single person around. It all adds up to being stressed. I know I complain about my job status and me being a,  as I call it "no mister sister", but those are two things I worry about.

And being day 118, of course I worry about my life with all this hardware in me, and being in pain for the rest of my life and these hideous scars on my leg. I'm trying to give things to God, but I'm having problems letting go.

Until next time,
Stressed Annie

Cancer just sucks

I have this friend.. Actually, he's more like a little brother to me. I've known him since the beginning of our lives, our dads work together and are best friends; having been so since teenagers, and our moms are great friends too. I've always been in church with the family, and Zack is the best picture of a godly young man I know. He's a senior, 17, leads the singing at church, and has leukemia. Bad leukemia.

Tonight this kid is laying in a Cincinnati hospital bed,  burning up with a dangerously high fever, vomiting, and scared. He's been sick for almost a year now, and has never complained once. He's been to church as much as he can, and loves God beyond everything. Zack needs every prayer he can.

I am absolutely heartbroken for him and his family. His situation is very bad, and I truly love this guy  with every "big sister" role I've never been able to genetically be. Please pray for him, send positive thoughts up if you do not pray; but I am a strong and firm believer that prayer does work, and God is so real in our lives. We are praying for his complete healing and full recovery, but mostly, we are praying for God's will. I am scared, nervous and emotional for him, his parents, and brother. Please, please pray.

Cancer just sucks, but God is ALWAYS good, merciful, and right.

Midnight ramblings

I am really trying to get back into my blogging. It seems so hard for me to do anymore- which is strange since I now "have" more time than ever. Oh well, but really, I am trying to get back into writing more often.
Since last time, I am now partial weight bearing!! Thank r Lord for that!! Although it hurts to walk, I am glad that I can. It has been a LONG 3 months, and I am looking forward to walking like a normal person again. Although my ortho said 50% of my weight, I'm cheating a bit and trying to push myself. Bad, perhaps, but I want so badly to be back to normal. I am still visiting the wound clinic once a week, but the wounds are healing up and looking SOOOO much better!! God is good, isn't He?!
In other news, I am still aggressively pursuing a job. I know now why God did not give me one last year, but I am praying that his will gives me one this year. Although I know it is wrong, I am sure I will be very upset and depressed if I cannot find one. It really bothers me that there doesn't seem to be a place for me- what is so wrong with me? I feel so strongly that teaching is the right place for me- I cannot explain how strong my desire is to teach. I am still hoarding teacher things and pinning teacher pins on Pinterest like a mad woman. Please pray for me. Pray for Gods guidance. I applied to what is my dream job two weeks ago and have not heard back from them. Although it is an hours drive from here, it is truly my dream job, and not a day goes by that I don't think on it.

There is so much on my mind these days ( yes, more than the usual). I know I needs Gods guidance and wisdom. There are heavy things on my heart and in my mind that I cannot shake. Part of the reason why I am up so late has to do with these things, and the other part is due to my medication and  really, fear of sleeping because of nightmares and pain. This wreck has truly messed me up, and I cannot sleep at night unless the whole thing is replaying over and over again in my trapped mind. Even now, as I think about it, tears come to my eyes; no, I am not weak, I have been strong (yes, I will say it because it is not out of arrogance). I am afraid that I will never regain what I have lost. It is times like these where I wish I had someone to lie next to. But, God has not allowed that to happen either; yet He will in His timing.

I think sometimes that I do not blog on anything in particular, but just regurgitate my thoughts and feelings into one pile. I am sorry for that to anyone who may read. So, on that note, I will sign off with some Andrea-Facts and leave my other thoughts for mother time with a more direct line of thought.

- the tv show "bones" is a good show. A bit too sexual for me, but mom and I have started the seasons  together.

- I miss feeling the grass beneath my feet... I cannot wait to walk on the grass in my bare feet, even though I won't be able to feel it on 4 of 10 toes.

- our new church sign looks stellar!!! Seriously, it's awesome. I'm glad I could take part in the designing process. Although its a little complicated to operate, I'm a fast learner ;)

- why is everyone surprised that I spray painted my walker myself?? Yes, the camo looks realistic: I've told y'all, I'm an underground graffiti artist haha (and just a country girl trapped in the city at the present).

- broken bones hurt like crazy. Also, I'm not sure how I kept it together during this while thing. I guess it can be attributed to shock. I was way too calm...and cold. I was freezing on a warming January day in my short sleeves.

- I really want to get out and go shooting again soon. My shooting arm needs strengthened! My 357 & AR need warmed up again!!! But then again, ammo is too expensive to waste.

- on that note, did you know that several govt agencies are buying and hoarding ammo?? Very fishy, mr. Government, very fishy. And everyone should be very concerned.

- I want to teach with every fiber of my being. I've never felt anything this strong, and I cannot wait to walk into my classroom and finally be the real "Miss Myers"


God is good always,

Andrea
Annie

It's been a while

Hello to anyone :) it's been quite a while since I've stopped in here, and I had been thinking about posting, so I figured I should get back into the habit of blogging- even if its solely for my own benefit.
So as I lay here typing on my iPad, it's snowing like crazy here in Ohio- hellooooo spring!!  As much as I love snow (seriously, I LOVE snow!!) I'm ready for warmer weather, for multiple reasons I'll explain in a bit. So here's for a long post...
Since I last signed off, I've graduated from wright state with my Masters in education and boy, am I glad I got through. That was an intense year, buti loved every bit of it!!! I miss my kids from my internship SO much!! The year really solidified my desire and calling to be a teacher. Granted, there were some rough patches, but overall, it was a tremendous experience. Unfortunately, since the job market is still not good here in Ohio, I was unable to get a teaching job for this school year. But in the light of recent events, I know why.
To keep myself even busier than the usual, i enrolled at Sinclair for their sign language interpreting program in august. its a beautiful language and I want to learn it, so I began there and had a blast. But, September rolled around and put a damper on my happiness- I was involved in a serious car accident on the highway. It was a hit and run where someone side swiped me into a semi, which in turn ran me off the road and into a construction sign. I ended up facing north on a southbound exit ramp. God was with me for sure; if I had had a smaller car, I would have been pushed under the semi and probably lost my life. It was terrifying. I literally thought I was going to die; but, God had a plan and I walked away uninjured. Nightmares (worse than my usual) resulted from it, but overall I was very blessed.
December rolled around and the holidays came. I was previously put in charge of the Christmas program at church, so in addition to teaching children's church each week already, I got them involved as well. In the end, I wrote, organized, directed and played a part in the play! The kids did great, my cast did great, and the production was amazing! I was so proud of our little cast and of my little church. It was such a hit!!
After the hubbub of the holidays passed and the new year rolled in, I continued my busy life. January 11 was no different. Since I had no substitute teaching job that day, I went out to run some errands for church and planned on going home to take some food to a funeral and prepare for another funeral the next day. I was in charge of setting up a projector for photos, and I would also be singing with two others. But, once again, God had other plans. Almost home, a man in a work van pulled out in front of me after running a stop sign. My car (remember, it's only 4 months old to me), went from 40 to 0 in about a half second. Another absolutely terrifying incident. The way that the van pulled into me, I basically hit him head on. My engine had been pushed forward approximately 4 feet and had even popped the air filter out of place like a toaster! The steering wheel was bent, but worse of all, my ankle was bent 60 degrees inward, a bone was sticking out of my leg, and my wrist was broken. So after a tumultuous ambulance ride, I ended up in the hospital for 7ish days.  Days 1 & 2 were pure hell for me. my IV had not been done right, so I was without ANY pain meds  the first 24 hours after surgery. after getting that fixed, I found I was allergic to any muscle relaxers they gave me. Hallucinations and awful panic-ridden nightmares would ensue, as well as a constant panic attack.
Surgery 1 had put a plate and screws in my ankle as well as a plate and screws in my wrist. Both bones were broken in both ankle and wrist. I had to wear an external fixator on my ankle with several pins into my leg. 15 staples showed the incision in my arm. I had a second surgery 11 days later that put more screws in my ankle for a total of 23 screws and 3 plates in my ankle.
Needless to say, things have been crazy. I spent a few weeks at my grandparents because I could not walk at all, and my house has steps to get in. I finally got to go home after my dad put in a ramp to the house. I am still non weight bearing on my ankle until late April. I am also going to a wound clinic because the place where the bone came through my leg was not healing well, and the incision area from surgery 2 was also not healing well. But now I am doing better, but I will say that Percocet and tramadol are my friends! ;)
God is still good no matter what!!! I am alive and mostly well, and I am surrounded by the best people!! I am so blessed to be here still, so I guess God isn't through with me yet! I am just ready for winter to be over with so I don't hurt as much! The cold hurts my bones and irritates the metal in me! So geez, weather, fix yourself!

That is the semi short version of catch up of my life...for now ;)
Now to try to sleep. That is one thing I don't do much of because of the meds I am on, plus the nightmares and pain keep me up as well. Blah. Insomnia sucks.

Anyhoo.. Y'all stay safe out there in this crazy snow weather!

always on the run

It seems that I am constantly going going gone, lately! geez. barely time for sleep. seriously...squeezing in a few hours and off to do it all over again. I think it's close to insanity ;)

what to even say? Life is crazy. But it's so beautiful. My classes and my teaching are taking over my life still, but I do love it. I had to record myself for a seminar class today, and let's just say I am ridiculous with my children. gollllyy. For real, I was talking about ugly dogs and bird poop within 30 seconds of each other. But hey, the kids were laughing and it clicked for them.

Today and tomorrow are Logical Fallacies with my AP kids, and it's SO fast paced. 16 fallacies in two days, just shy of 2 hours. sigh. I'm learning the ins and outs of the political side of teaching...so much time spent just shoving material down kids throats and then they wonder why they fail tests. Duh, it's called "BREATHING". oye. No soap boxes for me tonight ;)

In reflecting on what happened at the school around Cleveland on Monday, I have re-realized that working at a high school can be such a dangerous place. Trying to think what I would do in a situation like that, it gave me butterflies (the bad kind) to think about it. Watching the news coverage, I was honestly on the verge of tears; that's a teacher's worst nightmare. I hope I can give kids the attention and caring attitude that they need, and maybe, just maybe, enough to avert that kind of situation.

two more weeks of this madness until i take over the classroom full time. TWO WEEKS...AH! that's so frightening!! I'll be teaching The Crucible towards April with my general kids, and really, I've no clue what I'll be doing up until then. awesome. I first need to finish my thematic unit for my ILA class. so far, it's 7 lessons and right around 70 pages. seriously crazy. Plus I have to prep for the career fair next week (in which I scored 3 interviews...Hamilton ohio, Louisville KY, & North Union ohio). It's mostly for practice, but still...I need to get a teacher portfolio made up.

I think this is a rambling post more than anything...Just need to talk sometimes...to no one in particular, so I suppose I'll sign off with the Andrea-Facts of late.


- teenagers are ridiculous.
- my first period is always making up twitter hashtag thingies.. the most recent was a conversation about being tired. one kid said "oh geez.. I'm so tired! Hashtag first period problems." seriously... #firstperiodprobs haha
- students are a bit creepy who crush on their teachers...seriously...dancing in class for me? no. stop. for realness. just stop. this is a problem.
- I WANT SNOW!!!! this weather is RIDICULOUS! i just want my snow :( humph. the only positive was driving home with my windows down... 60s ...crazy...not cool, february, not cool. Interns deserve snow days too, ya know!
My room has exploded. True Life. --papers, books, clothes, random forks...yeah..can we say grad school is a weapon of mass destruction.
- God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good. Fact.

Behind these Hazel Eyes

Once again, I am behind on the blogging thing. *sigh*. ah well, maybe it'll get better..ha. I wanted to write more tonight, but I am on the downward side of the past 3 hours of homework, so I think it's going to be sleep time for me soon. So here's something i've been working on lately... it's my version of a spoken word poem. These things are AMAZING. seriously. mine, not so much...buuuuttt yeah. Eventually I would like my students to possible write and perform one, so I made a rough model for them..maybe. I'm not sure if they'll ever see it or not, but hey, what the heck. Anyhoo, I know quality is HORRIBLE...but it's what I have to work with at the moment! dont judge too harshly.. ;)

its been a while...

I’m convinced that life has taken me hostage with no ransom.  Its been chaotic for the past few months and the only light I see is in June.  But, it’s a beautiful crazy and I’m loving every moment of the school chaos…usually. 

There’s only been one meltdown thus far.  Granted, it was a horrible one, and I’ve had several other moments where a hug, squeeze, or kiss on the forehead has saved me from another. I don’t think I have ever cried and sobbed so hard.  It’s funny that huge meltdowns can start with something so small, mine started with a bag of potato chips. *sigh*.  Everything pent up inside of me came flooding out and I had a solid meltdown for a good 30 minutes. It really wasn’t pretty. I think I’m better, I’m not convinced yet though.  Everything has been building up, school work, teaching, church things-the new role as church secretary forced upon me and everything else that has happened.  There’s a reason for Wright State’s national ranking in the Integrated Language Arts Master’s of Ed degree. Completing a master’s degree in 10 months – or really, 8 ½ to 9 with the breaks in there – is tough, rough and everything in between.  But, it’s worth it, even if there are a few meltdown breakdowns along the way. 

I love what I do.  I love these kids.  I know each and every 118 of them by first and last name.  I know something about their life. I love teaching them.  I love interacting with them and helping them have light-bulb moments.  It’s amazing. Everything is going so well, and I am so blessed to be working with them.  The 620am leave time is not so amazing, but everything else is.

I ask for prayers for our small church.  We have an interim pastor now, and he’s a really great man.  His wife is amazingly nice as well.  Most of the hard transition probably comes from my end, but there are a lot of things that need worked out still.  As mentioned, the position of church secretary has been placed on me and I’m struggling to keep up with everything.  Though, I created an awesome letter head all by myself and the bulletin looks good each week with the proper grammar, even if no one else notices; ha.

This transition has been immensely hard for me.  Bitterness and sadness seem to have taken over certain aspects of me, and I’m trying to overcome them.  Sometimes it’s the rain that saves me and takes the place of the tears I want to let out, but there is so much positive in my life that I cannot dwell on too much sadness.  Photography is another saving grace in my life, when I get to pick it up.  With the break of WSU work coming, hopefully I’ll be able to pick up a few photography jobs…hopefully. 

Back to the grind of homework and prepping for students tomorrow.  Plus side: I’ll be subbing tomorrow, so yay for being paid!