just beachy :)

1 week ,2 girls and 14 hour drive later, I am back home from Florida! Wow, what a blur! A much needed vacation with my best friend landed us around Ocala, Florida by ourselves in a trailer owned by her grandparents. It most definitely ranks up with one of the best vacations I’ve had.

The drive down was spent mostly singing loudly…everything from bluegrass to hip-hop, country to southern gospel. And we achieved one of our goal – to learn all the “rap” to Jason Aldean’s “Dirt Road Anthem” (it’s a country song for those of you who don’t know…awesome song at that). People watching and car dancing were also included.

Spending two days at Daytona Beach was a blast, especially enjoying the boardwalk at night and the fireworks on the beach. We even saw a man escape 2 straight jackets and two chains while hanging about 20 feet in the air upside down! (let’s hope he didn’t learn that in prison ;)) We also spent a day in St. Augustine seeing the sights, and chasing crabs on the beach that night- or were the crabs chasing us..hm..

My best friend’s boyfriend lives down in Florida, so he was able to spend a good bit of his time with us as well, so the three of us had a very good time! Even though us girls got sunburned, I still escaped with a tan! Yay me!

Standing on the beach really made me think at one point in time…look at the vast ocean, and the grains of sand. Really look at them. God created all of it…and he knows the number of grains of sand. That’s mind blowing, breath taking, makes you speechless. Think about all the creatures (ok, maybe lets not think too much about the things I was swimming with) that are in the ocean…and think about their creator. Think about mine and YOUR creator. I serve an awesome God, and I’m so thankful my risen Savior reached his hand down for me- a lowly speck of dirt in the midst of amazing beauty.

The trip to St. Augustine was another moment that made me realize my blessings. Standing in the Basilica and seeing the many candles lit by others made me think about what an empty religion Catholicism is. Now you may be catholic reading this and be offended, but I make no apologies. I serve a savior who doesn’t ask me to pay $3 or $5 (yes, there really WAS a sign that said $3 & $5 for candles) to send prayers to heaven. Goodness, if I lit a candle for every person and thing I pray for, that whole church would be on fire and my bank account would be in the red. I don’t need the bishop or pope (or whoever it is) to make intercession for me, I have Jesus for that. Romans 8:34 takes care of that. My spot in heaven is secured and guaranteed, I don’t need to second guess it or have doubts about it. I was overcome with such sadness while standing in front of the man made beauty of the Cathedral for all the souls lost in such a false religion. It’s heartbreaking.

Other things I learned on the trip:

- Spending $60 on a week's worth of groceries at Walmart is really satisfying

- Eyelids really hurt when they are sunburned...and trust me when I say really hurt.

-Sunburn can cause swelling...and its not a good thing when it's your face.

- It's a little weird not having your parents around while on a vacation...especially your mothers to double check that you're doing things right

- I (well, we) can cook very well..and it was scrumptious!

- people...will always be incredibly strange.

- necessity truly is the mother of invention...especially when it comes to changing out of a wet bathing suit. a trail behind a bunch of mangrove trees does, in fact, suffice. (until a group of young boys start running around....)

- When you live with your bestfriend...privacy doing anything becomes a thing of the past... ha.

-Late nights (or early mornings, whichever) create very interesting conversations.

- mini frogs and lizards are fun to play with..

- I really talk to myself too much while driving... (not the creepy kind..but the 'talk-to-others-and-tell-em-what-you-think' kind of talking)

-reading tweets from twitter can help pass time

-PostSecret books. Enough said.

-old people on golfcarts, (or shopping carts for that matter) can be dangerous, yet hilarious.

-while walking the beach at night...you really DO need a flashlight, or you might meet a crab that becomes rather crabby, fast.. juuusss sayin.

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Wait for the guy that becomes your best friend who is never too busy to talk,

Whispers in your ear and grabs your hand while ya’ll walk.

The one who’ll kiss your forehead and use every excuse to kiss you somewhere,

And the one who will play with your hair.

Wait for the one who wakes you up with a Good Morning Beautiful, and a Good Night, Sweet dreams,

Who’s protective but trustworthy, who tells you his fears, ambitions stories and schemes.

Wait for the man who keeps a photo of you close by,

who’s hugs are squeezes and holds you if you cry.

The one who will stare for no reason and holds you close after arguments blow,

The man who could break your heart but never dreams of doing so.

And the summer begins...

Whew, what a blur of a month!! July is quickly approaching, and I’ve no idea where June went – May for that matter too.

The beginning of June brought my college graduation, boy, was that crazy. There were about 1300 people walking for a diploma that day, and every single name was read. The whole ceremony took about 3 hours, but don’t ask me what speeches were about, I have absolutely no clue; my friends and I were most definitely not paying attention. The evening brought a small part/dinner with the people closest to me and who have supported me throughout my life. I am so truly blessed to have such wonderful, Godly people in my life.

For the past few months I have been praying and anxious about graduate school. I was finally accepted (officially about 2 weeks ago), since I finally (after the 3^rd time) passed the state Praxis exam. Gah, don’t even get me started on state testing and how incredibly stupid it all is. Honestly, I woke up that morning KNOWING that I was going to see a failing score. I knew it..in fact, I already had other plans of what I was going to do this summer. I already had the admission packet to Sinclair sitting on my desk getting ready to fill it out. My plan was to attend Sinclair for at least a year and go through their Sign Language Interpreting program, then try to get into Wright State’s grad program again next year. In all honesty, I still want to get a SLI degree, so maybe someday. But, God apparently had other plans, and I ended up passing the praxis with a 171 (I needed a 167-Ohio ranks something like #2 in the nation for the highest praxis passing score, by the way). I was so ecstatic about passing and getting accepting into the Master’s program- Yes I DID do a happy dance, thank you!

I will start the program July 19^th, so I’ve only got a few weeks of a summer to have fun. This time next year I will be on the hunt for my career path goal of a High School English/Language Arts teacher. So, to kick off the summer, I’ll be driving to Florida with my best friend for a week of vacation-Just the two of us. Look out Florida!! ;) We’ll be staying in her grandparents trailer around Ocala, so We’ll be in the middle of all the old people haha, oh this shall be fun. It’s basically a miracle of God that I’m allowed to go…and I don’t think I’ll actually believe it until we get out of Ohio. Needless to say, my room is pretty much a mess from packing. Oh I’m so excited. FB will certainly be containing many, many photos from the trip.

I also did my first wedding shoot (photography) last weekend. That was interesting..photos turned out decently for what I had to work with : storms…rain…dark tent with no lighting…drunk people...a prego bride…people are so weird.

So, what have I learned in the past month?

- - I am a hoarder…a small scale one. I cleaned my room and found things from elementary school that I still didn’t want to let go of.

- - I really overpack for trips..but you never know what’s gonna happen, right?!

- - Random fact..the Uzi was named after an Israeli guy…huh, that’s cool.

- - Being left handed puts absolutely everything backwards…even laundry folding.

- - I have a few too many green things..especially purse accessories, pens, and shirts..all different shades, but mostly bright.

- - I really don’t do well with medicine that knocks me out or numbs me. The numbing crap for a filling at the dentist made me sick feeling and stupid acting. Oh boy.

- - What not to do at a wedding…please oh, pleeaseee, God, don’t let my wedding be redneck central.

I'm sure there's more, but thats all for now, for I'm in search of my whetstone for sharpening my pocket knife...what good is a knife if its not glittery and sharp? ;)

31 days

31 days. thats all I have left of my undergrad career. ohmylanta. YAY! haha. needless to say, I'm a little ecstatic. I've also come to realize that senioritis extends into the senior college year as well as the high school senior. I've no motivation to do homework, and I'd rather not go to class...but, ya gotta do what you gotta do!

June 11 will be a big day for my family...the first person on either side of the family to complete a 4 year degree. Kinda a big deal. Although I'd rather just let it lay low...my family seems to want to pump it up a bit, but, I guess I'll let them live it vicariously through me.

In all honesty, thinking about the future scares the daylights outta me. Even though I'm insanely excited for my life to move on, it's a very daunting thought. I think it is the unknown of the future that scares me the most, yet gives me the most thrill. My life has meaning, and I know what God wants me to do. Although His timeline is much different, as I've found out, I know what I'm meant to do. And even though some of my family may not think being an English/Language Arts teacher is "hard" or it's "hoity-toity" and having a college degree makes me some sort of "high society" - I'm still proud of me and my accomplishments with God's help. Switching majors and catching up while graduating on time is a feat that can be hard to do. But in the end, I'll always be a simple girl at heart with a field of dreams as big as the sky - no matter what others may think.

according to His purpose

His eye is on the sparrow...and I know He watches me.

Life is crazy. Seriously - it’s crazy. Sometimes it’s the good crazy, and sometimes it’s the bad type of crazy (and yes…there IS a difference ;] ) . I’ve been neglectful of blogging lately, and the above is why…life is crazy.

Things in life can seem out of reach, they can seem like they’re never going to work out; yet, God has a plan. It’s really, REALLY hard to keep that in mind sometimes though. At this point in my life, I want nothing more than to be accepted to graduate school, receive my masters of education, and have my own classroom - I want it so bad that I dream about it. But since Saturday was my third attempt at passing the mandatory praxis exam for grad school entrance, I’m not so sure things will work out that way in the coming year.

The first failure, I was shocked; missed by ONE point. I cried. The second failure – 5 points…how is it possible to go down? I cried even more. I felt like a failure…again. I felt so incredibly stupid. To be honest, I still do. I’m disappointed in me. I feel that others are disappointed in me. I even apologized to my mother for not passing. I’m scared that I won't pass this third time. If I don’t pass…I won't be starting grad school in July. I may have to wait a year.

BUT…I have to keep reminding myself that things will work out according to God’s purpose and timeline. My timeline isn’t the same as His. It’s so hard to remember that…but you can't change the truth. I’m still fighting feelings of failure, feeling stupid, disappointment, and a slight bit of depression over this because it’s still on my mind every. Single. Day. But in the back of my mind, I know that things will work out…so I have to pull that to the front of my mind.

All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. :)

Things I’ve recently learned:

- When you think you know someone…most likely you don’t.

- God has to know what he’s doing, ‘cause I sure don’t.

- I do not know what to think about the movie Moulin Rouge…I don’t know whether to blush or laugh…I think a little of both happened haha

- Love (or the fall) is hard…but what’s meant to be will find its way.

- I’m immensely scared (but excited as well) about my future.

- I want to do something with the Deaf community…possibly enrolling at Sinclair and going through the Interpreting program.

- Something can be wanted and longed for so badly that it hurts…and it’s crushing when the goal gets farther away.

- I can't make everything okay for everyone…however much I try.

- Waking up to nightmares and tears is rather terrifying…and lonely.

- The PRAXIS test can go die, and I’d be okay with that.

Sometimes

Sometimes I cannot see

Who God intended me to be

Sometimes I cannot find

Myself within my own mind

Sometimes I just want an embrace

And for fingers to caress my face

Sometimes I just want someone to force

Me to spill my words and find the source

Sometimes I need the quiet

In order to calm the riot

Sometimes I need a hand

To hold me and help me stand

Sometimes I wish I were

Confident, strong and sure

Sometimes I wish my eyes

Didn’t see myself despised

Sometimes I want & need to cry

For no reason, rhyme or why

Sometimes I want & need to laugh

Until I feel that I may burst in half

Sometimes I need and sometimes I want,

Sometimes I wish and sometimes I cannot.