Hurt

Waking me up out of a nightmare
It starts with the stiffness
And becomes a dull ache
Then turns into full blown, can't-even-move, mind numbing pain.

All I want is sleep.
Pure, unadulterated, undisturbed bliss.
But it never comes anymore.
Especially since the day that changed my life &  hospital mishaps

Then the tears come.
Even though I always try to hold them in
But I can't all of the time
Not when pain is this intense.

I can't move
All I can feel is the throbbing
All I can see is the softball size swelling
Pushing against my compression sock.

My walker is the only thing that can help me
Hopping on my good foot
Is the only way I force myself out of bed
In hopes of medication taking the pain away.

It doesn't fully.
Actually it makes everything worse.
Headaches. Night terrors. Panic attacks.
But it dulls the pain to something more tolerable.

I get angry
At the fact I will face the rest of my life
With bad days like this.
Even though I am angry, I've forgiven him.

For what he has done to me
Should haunt him and make him think
About stop signs and me.
But it all doesn't matter because I've forgiven him.

And my God is big enough for me.