...Lost in the lyrics..

so I've been neglecting flikr and Blogger this week. Too much stuff going on i suppose! where to catch up...
with the past multiple uploads to Flikr, I've been on some Music kick. I have no clue why. Its been carrying over into life too, I've been lost in the lyrics and flow, My music is going nonstop, Ive got bluegrass (or some country too) playing somewhere around me most of the day. I havent been able to get myself away from the piano. I'm not sure why either. And everything I've been playing has been the slow classical things, or slowed down hymns. Why? I've no clue. Even my bluegrass playlist has been filled with the more slow, usually sadder songs. I think this over abundance of snow is getting to me. Now I know, it seems like everything I've had to say here is always sad and depressing, ha. I'm not like this at allll through the day...i promise! :) I guess this is the only place that truly listens to my inner being.

onto bigger things....lets chat 'bout school! woo! ...not. snowdays are always good! haha last week, I skipped my Philosophy class due to the weather, (thank you WSU for NOT closing until after my classes took place) sometimes I Think I would be SO much better at running a campus... ;) Then Wednesday, campus ended up closing, Praise the Lord. :) Today produced a closure at 2pm...which only canceled one of my three classes today, and I journeyed my way home, only to do a 180 coming off the highway at 725 in Miamisburg. oh what fun that was. If i hadnt had control of my car, i would have probably kept turning and hit a few cars, (and this was only going less than 10 mph) thanks to my dads driving lessons in the snow, I am quite proud of myself for keeping things under control and not freaking out, although I had to take a few deep breaths after getting straightened out. ;)
Tomorrow morning I register for spring classes. What a stress reliever that will be after 7am! Class scheduling is one of the many things that keep me awake at night, and stressed out during this time of year! i only have 22 more classes until i can graduate, and I worry so much about messing things up.
what else, what else...oh, saturday evening, we finally got to celebrate mine and my dads birthday with the whole family! my cousins got me two beta fish (haha) two males, red and blue. Their names are: Everett Cash, and Delmar Jennings. (if you caught on, theyre from "O Brother Where Art Thou" and the last names of two of my favorite country singers hehe)
though probably my favorite gift I knew about, I just didnt know WHEN i was getting it...a 357 magnum revolver. yes, a gun. My dad promised when I turned 21 he would buy me a handgun. yay! A revolver is a good starter for any person, and I cant wait for it to warm up so we can go to the range, or out to the farm and shoot. I've become pretty good with my .22 rifle, and now I plan on sharpening my skills with my 357. who said guns were for boys? ;)

well, I reckon this is where I should stop, and continue my studying...and prayers of a closing tomorrow...right, like that will happen :)

Oh the snow..

what a lovely day! snow everywhere and the sun decided to make its appearance this evening. I just love how after the snow, the sun always peeks out. It makes everything so pretty!

Today was a slow day, most unlike this past week. Its been a blur of days and classes, and today I could actually take a small breather. Though, philosophy and Biology were calling my name, I tried so very hard to ignore their calls ;)

I wanted to just enjoy the day with my camera and laptop, and mostly got to do that! I was so happy! Besides shoveling our driveway and sidewalks, as well as a neighbors this morning, and cleaning the church, since it was myy week, I got to do just what I wanted. So i decided to have some fun with eggs. Call it strange, call me a dork, I dont care ;) I've always wanted to do it, and after some questioning looks from my mama after raiding the kitchen, and after an oops moment in my room with a cracked egg (everything turned out fine n dandy by the way..), I was satisfied with a few takes. I told my mom that one of these days she'll open the egg carton and find a dozen faces staring back at her... :)

I so wanted to go out and build a snowman today, since this snow is the PERFECT snowman making stuff! But I didnt end up doing it, I got too cold from my morning photos outside, oh well, perhaps one day next week when the stresses of school are set in again, I'll bring out my inner child and build one, and really, it is a yearly tradition for me to build a snowman :)
I had quite the time with the self photos today. Even with not a trace of make-up on, and hair doing its own thing, I was fairly satisfied with them. Timing the shots just right to get the right effect of what I wanted proved to be a little difficult, and once inhaled the snow by accident instead of blowing out...I know, I know, blowing out and sucking in are two totally different things, I dont know how i managed to do it, but I got the photo to prove it..but, decided not to post it to Flikr to show the world my goofiness. ;)

bottled up...

its been such an emotional roller coaster for me this week..and I don't know why...this is so totally unlike me.
I'll be honest...Amber..reading your blog, about the dam breaking...touched something deep in me...I read it, re-read it, read it again. All the while sitting there with my mascara and eyeliner running, trying to wipe away the tears which were falling too fast for me to actually catch. Why did it strike me so deep? I'm not entirely sure, I think I'm waiting for my own dam to break, the one that I still cant put a finger on where its located... and I couldn't even think of how to express that, until I read those words...
Johnna, I know that feeling of being lost in a haze of what you feel...I know that feeling of distraction. Reading and keeping up with you two's blogs...I find something new everyday, and even if it sounds strange coming from a "stranger", I can feel a connection to what you're feeling...

Sometimes I feel so inadequate...My feelings get in the way..and my issues seem so trivial. I don't have to worry about a husband possibly getting deployed, I don't have children to worry about or take care of...I don't have a household to manage, or bills to pay...or even a job to work.
My biggest complaint today was someone who repetitively wasn't paying attention in Sign Language class, or the person who was acting like an idiot in the parking lot...My biggest worry as of now is what classes I will be taking to graduate on time, if i need to take a summer class in order to do so...These things are SO childish and seem to mess up my days...as I sit here, on my 21st birthday, I realize and acknowledge the woman I need to be...Childish things should pass away, and a new coat needs to be put on...I want so hard to be the woman that God intended me to be...but looking around...my life and 'problems' seem so little...soo unnecessary...and I get afraid, of not living up to the expectations of others...of the expectations I put on myself, and my tunnel seems so long...when I know it is so short, compared to the trials of other, and I feel so selfish for having a so called bad day..when it was actually a pretty good one...

...Church last night was great. The last Sunday of every month we have what is called a "yack n snack" where everyone brings food and after the service we eat (snack) and we fellowship and have a good time (thus the yacking part). If there happens to be a fifth Sunday, we have a "singsperation' where basically anyone who wants to sing, can. All the songs were truly wonderful, and spoke to my heart. Walking in last night, I had no idea that Allie, Rachel and I were going to sing our Blessed song. Heck, none of us knew the all words until we walked up on stage...we hadn't sang that song since July..But on the request of a man in the church, we sang it. My verse came along, and I started out pretty good...but then I really started to think about the words I was singing...and I almost lost it there on stage...

[...He's my shoulder to lean on, when I am down
that rock where he leads me when I'm over whelmed,
That place where he hides me, under his wing,
He's not just a song, He's the reason I sing... ]

I am So incredibly glad that I have that shoulder, that wing to hide under, I really don't know where or what I'd be without Him and his amazing Grace...

looking ahead...I am so thankful I can go ahead and lean on His arms for what lays ahead...because I know i cant make it without Him......I have no clue what God has in store for me....or really, who He wants me to completely be...but leaning on Him, and padded by prayers of others...I know I can make it through my Haze..through my Tunnel...because every tunnel does, in fact, come to an end...