One Year Later...

A year ago today, I was hit head on by a loaded down work van that ran a stop sign.  I was going 40 and he was going between 20-30, so that puts impact somewhere between 60 and 70 mph. Let’s just say it wasn’t a happy camper day.  

It was supposed to be a busy day: I was out running errands for church & my kiddos there, then I was supposed to deliver food for a funeral, and prepare for another funeral the next day where I would be singing with 2 others. It all came to a screeching halt (quite literally) around 10:30 that Friday morning though. The way that he pulled out and hit me, I just knew he would be dead. I was terrified that I killed him. No, it wouldn’t have technically been my fault, but that was something I wasn’t prepared to deal with. And when I say terrified, I mean I was absolutely freaking out about the welfare of that man. 

The problem was though, that I couldn’t move from behind the wheel. My left wrist wasn’t working correctly and it was crazy swollen, my ankle wasn’t working – it wouldn't lay flat on the floor, it just kept turning over – my face hurt like I just got beat up, my whole body felt stiff, and I felt so disoriented.  But it just so happened that a police officer was driving up the road at that exact moment, and the fire/EMS station was right up the road, so help was there quickly. The medics wouldn’t tell me how badly I was hurt, and with that, I knew it wasn’t good.  Surprisingly, and thanks to the adrenaline coursing through me, I managed to stay calm and collected – I was even making jokes with the firemen who were with me trying to get me out of the car. 

From that moment on, everything changed. My ankle was bent inward at 61 degrees, and everything shattered inside my ankle – I had bone missing, for goodness sake, the impact to my lower body was so forceful it disintegrated bone. Plus, both bones in my wrist were broken. I  have gone through incredible pain; pain that I didn’t know I could go through.  I was without pain meds for nearly 12 hours after the initial surgery, I went through an allergic reaction to muscle relaxers that sent me into hallucinations and flashbacks of the accident. It was horrific to put in the least. 

So where am I one year later..

- 4 surgeries

- 23 screws, 3 plates inserted AND taken out

- 1 staph infection

- 18 pins via Halo fixator

- 6 weeks total off work

- 6 weeks worth of PICC line antibiotics

- Thousands of pills (over 1000 just in Percocet)

- 1 fused ankle

- And 365 nights of nightmares.

But there is a however. The however in my case is that I still stand SO blessed. It’s not been easy, and the only thing that has gotten me through it all is my Savior. One of the reasons I was so scared that the other man might have died is that What if he wasn’t a Christian, wasn’t saved, wasn’t on his way to heaven? It may sound self righteous and fake, but I am honestly thankful it was me who was seriously hurt, rather than him. He was able to walk away and hopefully be more careful while driving. 

It’s been a long year. I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, and I have a wonderful place of employment. They have been so considerate, and so understanding of my situation. My principal has prayed with me, my students have prayed for me, and my administration has prayed for me. I am so undeserving of these blessings. 

Like I said, it’s been a crazy year.  I still get anxious at intersections, traffic still makes my heart race, I still have panic attacks, and I still need to cry about it sometimes.  But I am great. I am healing, and will be (read: should be) walking and mostly back to normal by summer. 

I have a wonderful family, great (very small circle of) friends, a great place to move into this coming spring, and best of all, Christ in my heart. What more do I need other than Christ? I can only hope that someday someone will say of me: She was happy even in her darkest time because of Christ in her heart. 

I don’t want to praise Him in my happy times only, I want to praise Him even more in my valleys, because that’s when I need Him most.