A path

ohh what a whirlwind life has become! It seems as if every post i make entails the blur of life. Its only Tuesday...but it seems like it should be Thursday..is it so terrible that I wish it were?

This week and next are both joyful and sorrowful: joyful in the sense that the quarter is wrapping up and I'll be finished until January; Sorrowful because I'll be leaving my freshmen at Trotwood. Some people pat me on the back and say "way to endure.." but I've loved it SO much!! School systems and communities obtain stigmas that are hard to shake, but when you look closer, all I see are children. Children who are in need of an education just as Oakwood, Kettering, and Valley View kids are. Is Trotwood HS the place that I can see myself teaching at? perhaps. I don't know exactly where God wants me at this moment. I do want to get the feel for other environments before I jump in head over heels though.

Coming out of this quarter, I have so much to think about. So many heavy things on my heart. I admit that I get bogged down with my thoughts, and try to fix other people's problems, but I just cant help it. And I'll probably more than likely die trying to save the world. Just a fact of life. So many things to think about as far as my teaching career goes, my life, God's will, and just the directions i want to take. But all in all, the only thing that matters to me is GOD'S will. I have to keep reminding myself that my life isn't my own...that God has everything perfectly planned out : as long as I keep close to him. Now that may sound a little strange, and i don't want to get into a theological discussion, but I wholeheartedly believe that God has things planned out for us as long as we stay on His path. Sometimes we tend to step off the path and do our own thing. This is where things go awry. Sometimes its hard to stay the course, but that is the fight we all must endure. I'm not sure where my path is going, sometimes I'm not even sure where the path may lead from day to day.
All I know is this: God has placed me on my journey, I am His and He is mine, The storms may blow, my tears may fall, He knows what's right for me, He always picks me up when I'm broken, and I will not question His path in my life.

this & that

Sometimes I feel Indescribable: Words cannot express those things I wish to convey,

Sometimes I hear My own voice: but it’s something foreign, lost and unsafe unlike the ships in bay.

Sometimes I see Things in the mirror: I’m searching through the debris.

I’m staring into the abyss, but the abyss stares into me.

If you only knew why I say the things I do,

Those simple phrases; well maybe they’re more of a cue.

If you only knew the things that transpire behind these hazel eyes,

Maybe I’m just looking for someone to look behind the disguise.

My thoughts can run deeper than the ocean,

You may disagree, but, you couldn’t keep up with the thought motion.

Even broken glass can throw a bright reflection,

Rainbows may be distracting, but it’s the shards that cause introspection.

Things I’ve learned:

- I need to work on getting my thoughts un-scattered.

- Heels are not such an amazing idea to wear when teaching all day. EVEN IF they are super cute. After about 11 hours on your feet, it is NOT a good thing.

- Some students will always have nasty attitudes, and will call you bad names.

- No matter how hard I try, I will not be able to save the world. But I will probably die trying.

- Some people…are just idiots. End of story.

- Some things…never change.

- I wish I had more confidence.

- There are some occasions when I think I am too organized, but it helps keep me sane most times.

- My friends are absolutely amazing. I dont know what i'd do without their support.

- I forgot how “butterflies” feel.

- Learning experiences should not be the same as feelings of self-disappointment, I need to work on feeling proud of myself instead of being my own worst critic.

- It is possible for me to feel beautiful…and it’s also possible for someone else to think so about me.