It's been a while

Hello to anyone :) it's been quite a while since I've stopped in here, and I had been thinking about posting, so I figured I should get back into the habit of blogging- even if its solely for my own benefit.
So as I lay here typing on my iPad, it's snowing like crazy here in Ohio- hellooooo spring!!  As much as I love snow (seriously, I LOVE snow!!) I'm ready for warmer weather, for multiple reasons I'll explain in a bit. So here's for a long post...
Since I last signed off, I've graduated from wright state with my Masters in education and boy, am I glad I got through. That was an intense year, buti loved every bit of it!!! I miss my kids from my internship SO much!! The year really solidified my desire and calling to be a teacher. Granted, there were some rough patches, but overall, it was a tremendous experience. Unfortunately, since the job market is still not good here in Ohio, I was unable to get a teaching job for this school year. But in the light of recent events, I know why.
To keep myself even busier than the usual, i enrolled at Sinclair for their sign language interpreting program in august. its a beautiful language and I want to learn it, so I began there and had a blast. But, September rolled around and put a damper on my happiness- I was involved in a serious car accident on the highway. It was a hit and run where someone side swiped me into a semi, which in turn ran me off the road and into a construction sign. I ended up facing north on a southbound exit ramp. God was with me for sure; if I had had a smaller car, I would have been pushed under the semi and probably lost my life. It was terrifying. I literally thought I was going to die; but, God had a plan and I walked away uninjured. Nightmares (worse than my usual) resulted from it, but overall I was very blessed.
December rolled around and the holidays came. I was previously put in charge of the Christmas program at church, so in addition to teaching children's church each week already, I got them involved as well. In the end, I wrote, organized, directed and played a part in the play! The kids did great, my cast did great, and the production was amazing! I was so proud of our little cast and of my little church. It was such a hit!!
After the hubbub of the holidays passed and the new year rolled in, I continued my busy life. January 11 was no different. Since I had no substitute teaching job that day, I went out to run some errands for church and planned on going home to take some food to a funeral and prepare for another funeral the next day. I was in charge of setting up a projector for photos, and I would also be singing with two others. But, once again, God had other plans. Almost home, a man in a work van pulled out in front of me after running a stop sign. My car (remember, it's only 4 months old to me), went from 40 to 0 in about a half second. Another absolutely terrifying incident. The way that the van pulled into me, I basically hit him head on. My engine had been pushed forward approximately 4 feet and had even popped the air filter out of place like a toaster! The steering wheel was bent, but worse of all, my ankle was bent 60 degrees inward, a bone was sticking out of my leg, and my wrist was broken. So after a tumultuous ambulance ride, I ended up in the hospital for 7ish days.  Days 1 & 2 were pure hell for me. my IV had not been done right, so I was without ANY pain meds  the first 24 hours after surgery. after getting that fixed, I found I was allergic to any muscle relaxers they gave me. Hallucinations and awful panic-ridden nightmares would ensue, as well as a constant panic attack.
Surgery 1 had put a plate and screws in my ankle as well as a plate and screws in my wrist. Both bones were broken in both ankle and wrist. I had to wear an external fixator on my ankle with several pins into my leg. 15 staples showed the incision in my arm. I had a second surgery 11 days later that put more screws in my ankle for a total of 23 screws and 3 plates in my ankle.
Needless to say, things have been crazy. I spent a few weeks at my grandparents because I could not walk at all, and my house has steps to get in. I finally got to go home after my dad put in a ramp to the house. I am still non weight bearing on my ankle until late April. I am also going to a wound clinic because the place where the bone came through my leg was not healing well, and the incision area from surgery 2 was also not healing well. But now I am doing better, but I will say that Percocet and tramadol are my friends! ;)
God is still good no matter what!!! I am alive and mostly well, and I am surrounded by the best people!! I am so blessed to be here still, so I guess God isn't through with me yet! I am just ready for winter to be over with so I don't hurt as much! The cold hurts my bones and irritates the metal in me! So geez, weather, fix yourself!

That is the semi short version of catch up of my life...for now ;)
Now to try to sleep. That is one thing I don't do much of because of the meds I am on, plus the nightmares and pain keep me up as well. Blah. Insomnia sucks.

Anyhoo.. Y'all stay safe out there in this crazy snow weather!

always on the run

It seems that I am constantly going going gone, lately! geez. barely time for sleep. seriously...squeezing in a few hours and off to do it all over again. I think it's close to insanity ;)

what to even say? Life is crazy. But it's so beautiful. My classes and my teaching are taking over my life still, but I do love it. I had to record myself for a seminar class today, and let's just say I am ridiculous with my children. gollllyy. For real, I was talking about ugly dogs and bird poop within 30 seconds of each other. But hey, the kids were laughing and it clicked for them.

Today and tomorrow are Logical Fallacies with my AP kids, and it's SO fast paced. 16 fallacies in two days, just shy of 2 hours. sigh. I'm learning the ins and outs of the political side of teaching...so much time spent just shoving material down kids throats and then they wonder why they fail tests. Duh, it's called "BREATHING". oye. No soap boxes for me tonight ;)

In reflecting on what happened at the school around Cleveland on Monday, I have re-realized that working at a high school can be such a dangerous place. Trying to think what I would do in a situation like that, it gave me butterflies (the bad kind) to think about it. Watching the news coverage, I was honestly on the verge of tears; that's a teacher's worst nightmare. I hope I can give kids the attention and caring attitude that they need, and maybe, just maybe, enough to avert that kind of situation.

two more weeks of this madness until i take over the classroom full time. TWO WEEKS...AH! that's so frightening!! I'll be teaching The Crucible towards April with my general kids, and really, I've no clue what I'll be doing up until then. awesome. I first need to finish my thematic unit for my ILA class. so far, it's 7 lessons and right around 70 pages. seriously crazy. Plus I have to prep for the career fair next week (in which I scored 3 interviews...Hamilton ohio, Louisville KY, & North Union ohio). It's mostly for practice, but still...I need to get a teacher portfolio made up.

I think this is a rambling post more than anything...Just need to talk sometimes...to no one in particular, so I suppose I'll sign off with the Andrea-Facts of late.


- teenagers are ridiculous.
- my first period is always making up twitter hashtag thingies.. the most recent was a conversation about being tired. one kid said "oh geez.. I'm so tired! Hashtag first period problems." seriously... #firstperiodprobs haha
- students are a bit creepy who crush on their teachers...seriously...dancing in class for me? no. stop. for realness. just stop. this is a problem.
- I WANT SNOW!!!! this weather is RIDICULOUS! i just want my snow :( humph. the only positive was driving home with my windows down... 60s ...crazy...not cool, february, not cool. Interns deserve snow days too, ya know!
My room has exploded. True Life. --papers, books, clothes, random forks...yeah..can we say grad school is a weapon of mass destruction.
- God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good. Fact.

Behind these Hazel Eyes

Once again, I am behind on the blogging thing. *sigh*. ah well, maybe it'll get better..ha. I wanted to write more tonight, but I am on the downward side of the past 3 hours of homework, so I think it's going to be sleep time for me soon. So here's something i've been working on lately... it's my version of a spoken word poem. These things are AMAZING. seriously. mine, not so much...buuuuttt yeah. Eventually I would like my students to possible write and perform one, so I made a rough model for them..maybe. I'm not sure if they'll ever see it or not, but hey, what the heck. Anyhoo, I know quality is HORRIBLE...but it's what I have to work with at the moment! dont judge too harshly.. ;)

its been a while...

I’m convinced that life has taken me hostage with no ransom.  Its been chaotic for the past few months and the only light I see is in June.  But, it’s a beautiful crazy and I’m loving every moment of the school chaos…usually. 

There’s only been one meltdown thus far.  Granted, it was a horrible one, and I’ve had several other moments where a hug, squeeze, or kiss on the forehead has saved me from another. I don’t think I have ever cried and sobbed so hard.  It’s funny that huge meltdowns can start with something so small, mine started with a bag of potato chips. *sigh*.  Everything pent up inside of me came flooding out and I had a solid meltdown for a good 30 minutes. It really wasn’t pretty. I think I’m better, I’m not convinced yet though.  Everything has been building up, school work, teaching, church things-the new role as church secretary forced upon me and everything else that has happened.  There’s a reason for Wright State’s national ranking in the Integrated Language Arts Master’s of Ed degree. Completing a master’s degree in 10 months – or really, 8 ½ to 9 with the breaks in there – is tough, rough and everything in between.  But, it’s worth it, even if there are a few meltdown breakdowns along the way. 

I love what I do.  I love these kids.  I know each and every 118 of them by first and last name.  I know something about their life. I love teaching them.  I love interacting with them and helping them have light-bulb moments.  It’s amazing. Everything is going so well, and I am so blessed to be working with them.  The 620am leave time is not so amazing, but everything else is.

I ask for prayers for our small church.  We have an interim pastor now, and he’s a really great man.  His wife is amazingly nice as well.  Most of the hard transition probably comes from my end, but there are a lot of things that need worked out still.  As mentioned, the position of church secretary has been placed on me and I’m struggling to keep up with everything.  Though, I created an awesome letter head all by myself and the bulletin looks good each week with the proper grammar, even if no one else notices; ha.

This transition has been immensely hard for me.  Bitterness and sadness seem to have taken over certain aspects of me, and I’m trying to overcome them.  Sometimes it’s the rain that saves me and takes the place of the tears I want to let out, but there is so much positive in my life that I cannot dwell on too much sadness.  Photography is another saving grace in my life, when I get to pick it up.  With the break of WSU work coming, hopefully I’ll be able to pick up a few photography jobs…hopefully. 

Back to the grind of homework and prepping for students tomorrow.  Plus side: I’ll be subbing tomorrow, so yay for being paid!

feelings

things really do not make much much sense sometimes. I've been having a really hard time in the past week dealing with some things in my life. Honestly, it feels as if things have been turned upside down...and I've no clue as to how to deal with it.
tears? yeah...I've had my share this week. blubbering on the telephone to someone cause I just need an ear. hugs and squeezes from little hands and arms. tear stained pillows and church dresses, as well as wet spots on a good church shirt of my dads (but seriously, a father's hug and heartbeat are so amazing and calming). Mostly, I cry alone. My thoughts wander to how things will turn out, how things have been, and how I will miss them so terribly much. My heart hurts. I don't know how to heal a broken heart.

Some very, very important people are leaving, well, they have left my life for now. with what was a week's notice. Returned to Florida after 10 years in Ohio. 3 little girls gone. a lady and her husband who have become my rock and lighthouse for the past 9.5 years, gone. People whom I've shared tears, laughter, Bible studies, road trips, arguments, church services, late night pranks involving toilet paper and yard gnomes; are now gone. I do not cope well with people leaving. But I do not blame them for leaving...it was God's Will...and one cannot argue with God's will.
but...It's effected my schoolwork. Ive been throwing myself into my studies when I feel alive enough to do them. It will get better...with time. I need to find my genuine smile again, its hard to fake happiness so often. Sometimes I wish it were as easy as coloring myself with happy colors to force happiness back into certain avenues of my life. I am so glad for those friends who I love and the ones whom I love so much, who help produce a light inside me. And even more so, I am so thankful for the ONE who is THE Light, and who will make everything right in every situation.

Please...pray for clear minds, clear hearts, and God's will to be done in this trying time. Please pray for my little church. Pray for the deacons- my dad...my grandpa -who have what has been named a "monumental task" before them. Pray for the ones who are hurting, and the ones who have moved.

thursday night ramblings

the first week of grad school is over...4 more to go until fall quarter. Even though I only have two classes during this summer quarter (the second starts next week due to some sort of conflict apparently), I can tell this is going to be one of the hardest years of my school career.

Confession? I'm scared. ..even admitting that is a little hard. I've always said I'm so excited for my future, and I've always said I'm a little scared as well...but in reality, I'm terrified inside. Yeah, I know I can do it - I gotta. And yes, I know I have the support of my family and friends, and I have God...but, this is going to be hard. But I also know that I want this. I want this with every fiber of my being, and I'm going to work myself to the edge of my being so that I can accomplish this year and start my life. I covet any prayers that can go up for me as I start this path in my life, for as a I sit here typing, my mind is going in a thousand different directions as to what may happen in the course of this year.

I'll be completing my student teaching at Fairborn High School, with what I hear is Seniors in American Lit...how fitting for me! God surely does work in strange ways. I am excited about starting there in late august, but like I said, I'm nervous and a bit scared, but hey: what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, right? haha

Life has slowed down for me lately, after returning from a weeks vacation in remote Canada (which was a blast by the way). Grad school is taking up my time now, and hopefully doing some photo shoots here and there. I hope I can pick up some shoots, it would really help my bank account lol and saving for my future. Plus I really do enjoy photography, and can only hope to become better at it.

Anyhoo, Ive not got a lot to write this evening, so I'll sign off with another list of "What has Andrea Learned Lately":

- fish are really ugly..especially Pike, but they're tasty...and picky...and beautiful in their own way.

- people still amaze me at their stupidity and ignorance...I mean come on, are you reallllyyyy that dumb??

- how can you know how to heal...until you're broken?

- random texts from people seriously make my day...

- beauty can be found in everything...and possibly myself...i think I'm starting to realize that.

-ohio was hotter than texas today and yesterday..geeezz.

- reflecting on myself, and the journey of my life...i've become practically another person...and I'm proud and unashamed of the person I've become.

- I was destined to be an English teacher...after coming home from Kindergarten on the first day extremely upset that I couldnt read...yeah, there's your sign ;)

just beachy :)

1 week ,2 girls and 14 hour drive later, I am back home from Florida! Wow, what a blur! A much needed vacation with my best friend landed us around Ocala, Florida by ourselves in a trailer owned by her grandparents. It most definitely ranks up with one of the best vacations I’ve had.

The drive down was spent mostly singing loudly…everything from bluegrass to hip-hop, country to southern gospel. And we achieved one of our goal – to learn all the “rap” to Jason Aldean’s “Dirt Road Anthem” (it’s a country song for those of you who don’t know…awesome song at that). People watching and car dancing were also included.

Spending two days at Daytona Beach was a blast, especially enjoying the boardwalk at night and the fireworks on the beach. We even saw a man escape 2 straight jackets and two chains while hanging about 20 feet in the air upside down! (let’s hope he didn’t learn that in prison ;)) We also spent a day in St. Augustine seeing the sights, and chasing crabs on the beach that night- or were the crabs chasing us..hm..

My best friend’s boyfriend lives down in Florida, so he was able to spend a good bit of his time with us as well, so the three of us had a very good time! Even though us girls got sunburned, I still escaped with a tan! Yay me!

Standing on the beach really made me think at one point in time…look at the vast ocean, and the grains of sand. Really look at them. God created all of it…and he knows the number of grains of sand. That’s mind blowing, breath taking, makes you speechless. Think about all the creatures (ok, maybe lets not think too much about the things I was swimming with) that are in the ocean…and think about their creator. Think about mine and YOUR creator. I serve an awesome God, and I’m so thankful my risen Savior reached his hand down for me- a lowly speck of dirt in the midst of amazing beauty.

The trip to St. Augustine was another moment that made me realize my blessings. Standing in the Basilica and seeing the many candles lit by others made me think about what an empty religion Catholicism is. Now you may be catholic reading this and be offended, but I make no apologies. I serve a savior who doesn’t ask me to pay $3 or $5 (yes, there really WAS a sign that said $3 & $5 for candles) to send prayers to heaven. Goodness, if I lit a candle for every person and thing I pray for, that whole church would be on fire and my bank account would be in the red. I don’t need the bishop or pope (or whoever it is) to make intercession for me, I have Jesus for that. Romans 8:34 takes care of that. My spot in heaven is secured and guaranteed, I don’t need to second guess it or have doubts about it. I was overcome with such sadness while standing in front of the man made beauty of the Cathedral for all the souls lost in such a false religion. It’s heartbreaking.

Other things I learned on the trip:

- Spending $60 on a week's worth of groceries at Walmart is really satisfying

- Eyelids really hurt when they are sunburned...and trust me when I say really hurt.

-Sunburn can cause swelling...and its not a good thing when it's your face.

- It's a little weird not having your parents around while on a vacation...especially your mothers to double check that you're doing things right

- I (well, we) can cook very well..and it was scrumptious!

- people...will always be incredibly strange.

- necessity truly is the mother of invention...especially when it comes to changing out of a wet bathing suit. a trail behind a bunch of mangrove trees does, in fact, suffice. (until a group of young boys start running around....)

- When you live with your bestfriend...privacy doing anything becomes a thing of the past... ha.

-Late nights (or early mornings, whichever) create very interesting conversations.

- mini frogs and lizards are fun to play with..

- I really talk to myself too much while driving... (not the creepy kind..but the 'talk-to-others-and-tell-em-what-you-think' kind of talking)

-reading tweets from twitter can help pass time

-PostSecret books. Enough said.

-old people on golfcarts, (or shopping carts for that matter) can be dangerous, yet hilarious.

-while walking the beach at night...you really DO need a flashlight, or you might meet a crab that becomes rather crabby, fast.. juuusss sayin.